Been here, done this.

I am having a test of things.  I am sitting here watching some sort of a late-night soap opera.  I know that most of the shit you see on TV is crap, but i cant help but be a little envious of the people on here.  My life is -by most standards- pretty good.  I have a decent job, a semi-secure home, a guy who has his future planned, and a good bunch of friends who are there for me.  My issue of feeling inadequate is very prominent.  I feel like my life is in the shadow of my man.  We live his life, not mine.  He has everything he wants and it seems like he makes sure to have everything that i want too.

Ok,  I work my butt off for him and his business.  This means that I put in many many hours of unreported time.  I am a silent and unrecognized supporting structure to his business.  I honestly feel that, at this stage, he can't do it without me.   I go the extra mile.  I also pay half of the rent on our house.
Now, that being said,  I want to be clear that I am in no way ungrateful for any of the things that he does for me.  What upsets me is that he lives soooo far above me.  I make about ....... lets see,  maybe 25% of his income.  Not to mention that he has a company credit card to cover his gas, and whatever else "business" needs he has: i.e. trips to lowes, rei, walmart, etc for tools, clothes, gloves, glue, you name it, it can fly as a necessity.  So, I kinda feel like if I need to BORROW 20$ for GAS, there really shouldn't be a problem.....?  right?  YEAH, I get guff about putting fuel in the delivery vehicle.  MY CAR?  THAT would be just ridiculous.  I live by the skin of my butt most times.  I run out of smokes and dont have gas most of the time just like most everyone I know.  It is hard to watch the person you are supposed to be PARTNERS with shop freely for any and everything he wants and never have to worry about anything.....  I just feel like I am taken for granted.  I feel like used almost....  I quit.  Ive whined enough....