I finally found my true love. I have been waiting for him my entire life. I’m so happy to have finally made it home.  I can’t stop kissing and hugging him. I find everything about him unbelievably attractive and sexy. Everything he does everything he says. It’s all  wonderful. It’s been a few months going now and it’s still just as hot as the first day. I’m so excited. Maybe I will finally find peace in my heart.

Love for me

I'm not new. This isn't my first rodeo either. I know what I want and I know a lot of what I don't want too.  I'm tired of shitty relationships. I'm tired of staying with the wrong person for dumb reasons. I want to be in love. What's wrong with a union built on that? I mean, sex is great but without love behind it, it just doesn't have the same effect. When you are totally in love, the sex is incredible. It can mend the broken things of the day. It can keep you in love if you have it. I'm getting older. I want happily ever after. I think I'm ready for it. Years of terrible relationships have left some scars. I have a hard time trusting. I find it hard to believe someone loves me if they don't totally show it. But maybe if they aren't totally showing it, they aren't in love. And maybe the times I'm finding it hard to trust, there is probably some reason that is so.  I'm willing to do almost anything for the love I want. I need someone who is totally in love with me and is willing to go to lengths to stay that way. I need patience and respect. I want to come first. I want my word to prevail. And I can do the same.

So here I am some time later, still putting up with the same ole same same baloney....lies, FARGON lies, unaccountability, bullshit, trickery, smoke, mirrors, the whole nine yards. I don't know how much longer I can withstand being made a fool of. I am most likely being used and exploited and most of my life i was willing to put up with that sort of thing because I didn't realize that love can be replaced. I do still cherish people, but not once they become abusive and deceptive. I feel like I'm the kind of person who can accept almost anything, especially coming from someone I love and care for. What I can't accept or tolerate is lies. Like as if I'm not able to be trusted with the truth. Hmmm.  And if it's something horrible, keeping it away from me only means that it isn't going to change.

Goat nappers

My goats are gone. Stolen and murdered by heartless fucks. I hate humanity. I've lost faith, I've given up meat and dairy and after six months I still cry for the fucking goats. Nice story.

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....are not food!

after the summer was over, i would lose another baby goat to the same thing.  a few months later, my daughter started in....mommy pleeeeease can we get baby goats again?  of course, but you must help with feeding and cleaning up and spend time with them because you remember how much work the young goats were, now these are BABIES, they will require MORE attention and bottles every four to six hours and clean bedding and .....oh yes mommy, i will i will!

so needless to say, guess who took on two teeny goats without help?  you guessed it.  now if none of you have ever experienced a newborn baby goat, let me warn you, they are just like human babies with walking and destroying abilities added.  they cry at night and need to be kept warm and get tummy problems and want to be held and need bottles....its a full time job- (as if i didnt already have one)  so since these baby goats were mine from birth, i became quite attached to them.  their names are blankie and kevin.  kevin was only hours old when i took him home so he had yet to be disbudded or dehorned and has since grown a huge set of tools to ram with.  they are now almost 6 months old, off the bottle and running wild with louie and goat goat.  which leads me to the point of my story- a thing called RUT!  

to be continued again!

Moving, Moving, Moving....NOW?

Moving is an issue.  We need to seriously get on with it....

Update to this one.

Well, sadly, the fight is over. After spending a year alone on the farm and then another 8 months again with skip, the life of living in my dream house had ended.

I am now in limbo. It is never going to be the same way again. The business is gone, the money is gone, the kids are gone, the dog has gone to heaven, and my heart is broken. 

loyalty in life and family

I often wonder why money is more powerful than friendship and will make people betray one another and leave them behind. They will talk to people who they hate and throw others under the bus. All for a buck. I found this to be true in the world of drugs and crime and i am finding that it isnt isolated to the underground and the streets. Betrayl is up as far as the US government and it seems the more money that is at stake, the worse the back stabbing and lies get. Disclosure must happen to fix this. If aliens were common knowledge, 1.] the government would lack the ability to lie and steal from the american people. and 2.] the common citizens would have more interesting things to focus on and money would become less important.