Love for me

I'm not new. This isn't my first rodeo either. I know what I want and I know a lot of what I don't want too.  I'm tired of shitty relationships. I'm tired of staying with the wrong person for dumb reasons. I want to be in love. What's wrong with a union built on that? I mean, sex is great but without love behind it, it just doesn't have the same effect. When you are totally in love, the sex is incredible. It can mend the broken things of the day. It can keep you in love if you have it. I'm getting older. I want happily ever after. I think I'm ready for it. Years of terrible relationships have left some scars. I have a hard time trusting. I find it hard to believe someone loves me if they don't totally show it. But maybe if they aren't totally showing it, they aren't in love. And maybe the times I'm finding it hard to trust, there is probably some reason that is so.  I'm willing to do almost anything for the love I want. I need someone who is totally in love with me and is willing to go to lengths to stay that way. I need patience and respect. I want to come first. I want my word to prevail. And I can do the same.

So here I am some time later, still putting up with the same ole same same baloney....lies, FARGON lies, unaccountability, bullshit, trickery, smoke, mirrors, the whole nine yards. I don't know how much longer I can withstand being made a fool of. I am most likely being used and exploited and most of my life i was willing to put up with that sort of thing because I didn't realize that love can be replaced. I do still cherish people, but not once they become abusive and deceptive. I feel like I'm the kind of person who can accept almost anything, especially coming from someone I love and care for. What I can't accept or tolerate is lies. Like as if I'm not able to be trusted with the truth. Hmmm.  And if it's something horrible, keeping it away from me only means that it isn't going to change.