naaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwww........

It has been so long since I blogged anything. I guess I'll say whats going on in my world lately. doubt it will be a complete recap of everything since my last entry but i bet i can get a littel excitement in before i get sick of typing.

hmmmm,,, well. i have been doing alot of beein' and doin some work in the bee barn. skootz sings dumb little songs and jingles that he makes up all day and night. sometimes I feel like taking his songs and making a tape of them so he can hear them. shit, maybe we will get youtube rich someday. my videos are not exactly paying the bills. maybe the weird little blend of hill billy songs and ridiculous videos is not such a bad idea.

i have been practicing my race car driving career. i recently eluded the police in everson early one morning and earned myself another dwls 3rd. this would be like number 24 i think. great. i was only lucky enough to have tried to outrun a nice cop who remembered me from the truck wreck. too bad i would not give up my name and when she went into my multi-colored lude to find my id, it had a mustache and evil beard sharpied onto it. impressing them all the way. you know how i do. lucky for me, my warrant had yet to make the computer either. dunno how i escaped that one, but im still on the outs. thank you ala or praise jeebus.

i still have dreams of being a rodeo clown but now i think more about the circus since i have a tent and all. maybe a fortune teller tent is more of a resemblence. but anyhow, i have candles and honey for sale that i have been trying to get set up at a swap meet or flea market. i have also finally paid my travel agent insurance so i am expecting to receive a password anytime to be a legal and licensed seller of travel. i know i can get something going if i try hard enough. (and not listen to that son-of-a-bitch in my head that abuses me) I'm so sick of him. i really need him to move on and torture people in hell for awhile or something. 30 years is long enough to have my mind under control. fuck that bastard.

hard to believe one can be nearly genius, multi-talented, well liked, attractive, and so creative yet be too terrified to utilize any of these things because the voice of past abuse is still convincing her that this does not matter. that she does not matter and therefore will not impress anyone with her nonsense and would likely imbarrass and disappoint everyone. to be so afraid of failure-no, so convinced of failure that trying would be ridiculous. hmmmm she needs fans. alot of encouraging and supportive fans, groupies, an entourage, and perhaps then, things will change........? nawwwwwwww.....